Coming Back Around

After stopping and starting a few times over the last several weeks, I decided that the only way I could get back on the wagon and stay there was to revisit where it all began. That means Body for Life. I think the New Rules lifting plan and half marathon training for cardio will be better workouts than the BFL program, but the BFL food list and eating method always worked well for me. I just need to commit to making this the way that I eat permanently. It is so easy for one splurge to turn into another and before I know it, all of those pounds lost are back.


Another tactic that has worked in the past is making fewer changes at once. This week, which started Monday, I have been focusing only on food. I'll resume exercise next week.


It's funny how I do feel better even after just a few days of eating more nutritious food and somewhat smaller portions. I want to go back to posting my menu and workout every day. I think that served as a bit of accountability.

Monday's Menu:

Tuesday's Menu:

Trying To Stay Positive

Let's start with the good news. I lifted twice this week, as planned. I ran three times this week, as planned. Everyday I packed lunch and snacks for work.

I stepped on the scale this morning to discover a number 2 lbs heavier than last Friday. Fantastic. This is why I have such a love/hate relationship with the scale. I know it only tells part of the story. I also know that my gain was most likely caused by water retention from the workouts. My eating was nowhere near perfect this week, but it wasn't all that different from the previous week (and I didn't exercise at all last week). There is no way I ate an additional 7000 calories to cause a real gain of 2 lbs. But that only goes so far in making me feel better.

Today I'm trying to breathe deeply and feel proud of all that I accomplished this week. I'm trying to let go of the fact that I only ran 1.75 miles last night instead of the 3 I was striving for. Instead, I want to focus on how strong I felt while lifting, how awesome it was to run 2 miles on Wednesday when I almost lazed around instead.

How is your relationship with the scale? Do you have a number that you just hate to see?

Re-Start

After a three week break, I'm getting back on track. I have joined a group that combines two of my interests: Reading and being healthy. It is exciting to be part of a community with similar interests and goals.

I stepped on the scale Friday morning and it wasn't as bad as I feared. It seems my "set point" weight is right around 130 lbs; my weight on Friday was 129 lbs. Almost two years ago, when I decided to lose some weight I weighed around 137 lbs and who knows how much more I might have gained. It feels good to have lost 7-8 lbs for good. Last year while doing BFL, my weight got down to 120 lbs. This was just about one year ago exactly. Right after reaching that goal my strict routine started to fall apart and over about a year I gained back the weight lost during BFL. What I was doing last year was not too challenging, it just took a bit of focus and commitment.

So much with weight loss and body image has to do with readiness. I have learned so much along this journey, even when things don't seem to be going perfectly. The most important lesson has been to stick with it, no matter how many days in a row I eat junk food or skip the gym. Every day is a new chance to make the right choices. I have also been learning to let go of what happened (or didn't happen) the previous day. There is nothing to be done about yesterday's choices and dwelling on the past will not help me move forward.

I feel ready to lose these last ten pounds forever. This week I am starting a half marathon training program, with the intention of running a 13.1 mile race this October. I will be using Hal Higdon's 12 week novice program, which allows two days of lifting per week. This will let me continue with NROL4W. I'm excited to combine the programs which will help me cross two items off of my 101 list.

Mixed Messages

I braved the scale this morning. It was time to confront the fear and face whatever the number might be. The number was 130. That wasn't the number that I wanted to see. However, after letting loose a string of expletives, I thought about it and it's not so bad. First of all, I have been doing less cardio in recent weeks. Second of all, my food intake has been far from ideal from a weight loss perspective. So it is what it is and when (or if) I'm ready for that number to get smaller more quickly I'll take the necessary steps to make it happen. Also, seeing that number on the scale does not diminish what I have accomplished in the last few weeks--particularly feeling stronger, healthier, and happier.

Stage 1=Complete

This morning I completed Stage 1 of New Rules. What a great feeling! Unfortunately lifiting on Monday, Wednesday, and today was the only working out I did all week, but the main goal was to complete the first stage. At this point, I still feel good about the program. Exercising without constantly tracking weight loss progress seems to be successful so far.

For the first time in recent memory, I am beginning to feel comfortable in my body, just the way it is at this moment. I don't think the body is changing; it is the mind. It is finally starting to sink in that I am at a healthy weight and don't need to have the abs of a Shape cover model. I am approaching some level of peace with the fact that food will never be only fuel. If a few glasses of wine per week or less-than-perfect dinners are going to stand between me and 115 lbs, then so be it. Finally, I am starting to feel okay with that.

Last weekend I spent some time with my sister-in-law and her sister. All three of us have different body types and all three of us started complaining about those bodies. My sister-in-law, who I think has a fabulous body and wish I could trade with, wishes she could lose a few pounds. Her sister, who I also think looks great, wishes she could gain a few pounds. It occurred to me that so many ladies struggle with finding body happines (or even peace). The conversations we shared over the weekend led to the realization that I absolutely need to stop complaining about my body.

Working out just for the sake of my health (which includes mental health!) is starting to have the purpose I hoped it would. Day by day I'm worrying less about what size my pants are or what the scale says. I'm focusing more on what makes me truly happy. The bread bowl pasta pizza carb bomb that I ate for dinner on Wednesday did not make me happy. On the other hand, the hibachi steak and sushi that my husband and I ate last night was much more enjoyable. It isn't even about the calorie count. For all I know, the hibachi steak meal could have been less healthy and higher in calories. One of these nights involved inhaling too much food in front of the TV and the other involved a night out sharing the company of someone I love.

Over the coming weeks, I want to focus on eating in way that is free from regrets. I wish I had passed on the pasta bread bowl, or at least eaten less of it. It felt like a waste and my gut felt like crap afterwards. But I have no regrets about the burritos and Corona enjoyed on my deck in honor of Cinco de Mayo. It's not about the calories, it really is about the experience.

Empowered

This week feels fantastic and there are a few reasons why. First of all, I'm nearing the end of Stage 1 of NROL4W. There is just over one week to go before starting Stage 2. I am proud for having stuck with the program for the last month and feel like I am making progress in terms of strength. I am even considering hopping on the scale tomorrow. There is still room for improvement in my eating habits, but this week has been a little bit better.

Last Sunday I cleaned out my closet. Lately I felt in need of a serious wardrobe overhaul. Everything just felt tired and boring. There were also some things that didn't fit very well or at all for that matter. A few helpful blogs suggested by some message board friends and a particularly relevant episode of What Not To Wear led to the realization that I was bored with my wardrobe because it is, well, boring; mostly neutrals and solids. So this week I challenged myself to pair new combinations of the clothes in my closet. I made a list of things that will spice up my wardrobe and will purchase those pieces over time. It feels good to go shopping in my closet and find new things, put together new outfits, and not spending a dime. It also feels good to know that every piece in the closet fits and looks good. It is very empowering to know that I am dressing better and taking better care of myself all around.

Week Three

This week marks the third week since restarting NROL4W and a general effort to take better care of myself. Last week was was a bit disappointing--I only worked out twice. This week I feel much better and have already been to the gym three times. I need to start getting up about 10-15 minutes earlier, but getting up is getting just a little easier.

There is a big increase in my confidence and positive attitude. I am very focused on positive self-talk right now. Any time a negative thought about my body comes to mind, I turn it around to something positive. "That belly flab looks gross" becomes "You're getting thinner every day." I've also starting making more of an effort with my appearance, spending a few extra minutes with makeup application and choosing cute outfits.

Now, halfway through the third week, it seems like I'm hitting a stride. I'm still staying off the scale. I feel good and don't want a disappointing number to derail me. My eating could certainly be a little cleaner, especially on the weekends and at dinner time. Although it does seem like my portions are staying more in check lately. I've also been using the self talk on food, telling myself that I'm satisfied.

Do you struggle with negative self-talk? How do you fight the negative "voice"?